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  • Writer's pictureFriedhelm (Counsellor)


The answer to the question: What is love? can really become complicated and even confusing. However the question: How does love feel? is for most people a much more interesting one. I believe there are three types of love, which each having a different feel to them.

1. The “In-love”-feeling.

This one is well-known to all of us. It is a connection on a physical level including mainly that, which we feel in our bodies. The “in-love” feeling ignites the whole body. It is like a fire. It is awakened and is fuelled by our eyes (what we see), our ears (what we hear), nose (how it smells) and tongue (how it tastes). The effect of the physical attraction is often so strong that it consumes even our thoughts, desires and behaviour. Therefore we refer to it as infatuation.

So how does this feel?

It is a bodily excitement or high comparable to the effect of a very strong drug. Therefore people want to experience this high over and over again so they have multiple short term relationships. (Research shows that this romantic high only lasts between 6-18 months so they need to take regularly a new partner). This type of love makes one feel good and it energizes. It literal puts a spring in your step. People “in-love” don’t suffer from depression.

Unfortuntely it is in essence a “love” that serves the Self or own flesh. The excitement is fed by the expectation of what you are going to get not give.

2. The “True love”-feeling.

True love constantly puts the interest, well-being and happiness of the spouse before its own. It has the feature of the willingness to sacrifice one’s own needs and desires for the sake of your partner. Even if this is done under protest, it is still a reflection of true love.

So how does this feel?

For most people not great. It does not create a high. The effect is felt on a deeper level. It manifests as inner joy or gladness which often only produces a smile rather than jumping for joy. It shows in the face of a father when watching his family. It is the warmth in your hart that you feel when you have helped someone. It is the feeling we get when we have just demonstrated that we love our neighbour as ourselves.

“True love” is sometimes accompanied with a form of depression for it is focused on giving rather than receiving. One should notice that “true love” does not feel like “perfect” love. Many couples, after first having experienced to be “in-love,” come later on to the false conclusion that the feeling they now have, can’t be love. That is true for it is called "true love."

This true love is demonstrated in the sacrificial life, ministry and death of the Saviour. (John 15:13). It should be noted that although He got nothing out of it at that time He kept on loving us like that until His life was over. The motivation or reason for His behavior is to have eternal joy (Hebr. 12:2). True love leads to a prefect situation. True love results eventually in perfect love.

3. The “Perfect-love”-feeling.

It can only be called “perfect love”, when both body and soul have prominent and ever-lasting feelings of excited as well as inner joy. Do we have such an example? The only one I can think of is the feeling Jesus will have, when being reunited with His bride in heaven. And of course all those who have loved the same way as He did. This should be quite a new experience for us. To have feelings of love in all of our being. Should be great fun.


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