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  • Friedhelm (Counsellor)

“Abuse” or not “abuse”. That is the question.”

Updated: Jan 24, 2019

What constitutes abuse? Are you in an abusive relationship? Are you the one abused? Are you the abuser?


Many do not really understand the dynamics of abuse. As a result they don’t recognize it as such. In trying to decide whether a certain behavior is abusive or not, they consult the rulebook. This is a practice which often lacks wisdom in application.


An important development in science is the importance of seeing our world from an energy perspective. Our world is a cosmos of energy where all part on all levels are interconnected and interdependent. On a micro level this means that even our feelings and emotions are energy dynamics. When we love it creates certain energy. Love, peace, grace and patients etc. are all positive energy dynamics. Hate, un-forgiveness, anger, vengeance, etc. are negative energies created and harbored in the body and then released into the cosmos. Even words are like that, for when uttered, they help with emotional healing. When we talk about it, the feelings connected lose their power.


We all need energy to survive and function properly. That’s why we eat, sleep and doing what we like to do. And we probably like it because it makes us feel good. It gives us strength. It revives the body, mind and spirit. From childhood days therefore, we learn to compete for and control these energy sources and we don’t tend to share them. It is a power struggle well known to all of us and practiced over time. When starting out and venturing into a love relationship, our feelings are totally absorbed with the idea of having discovered a rich source of energy. We get very anxious and jealous when our source is threatened. “You are now mine (alone). You belong to me.” Meaning actually, now that I love you, you are obligated to provide for my needs on all levels. (Instead of: “We are now both obligated to help fulfill the others’ need).

A true test for “abuse” is accordingly the loss of significant energy of your spouse as the result of your words or actions.


It is abuse when your action depletes your partners’ life energy needed for normal functioning or just being him or herself. If with your initiative to empower yourself, your partner is significantly depowered, that is abuse. You have stolen her or his energy. The method is not important the result is. Whether it is verbal, physical, sexual, or emotional abuse (cutting her or him off of emotional support from family or friends), abuse renders the other powerless and in effect, over time, kills the life of the other. The once beautiful fruit has been sucked dry. There’s no life left. The heart is broken. The spirit gone.

Only a shattered soul can do this sort of damage. The only reason why the other let’s it happen, is because the abused is even more shattered that the abuser. To prey on an even more shattered soul than yourself, is a horrible reflection of one's life.

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